a sigh of breath
deep, heavy and endless
sign of missing
something, someone, somehow
question asked
arms hugged
tears wiped
but none fills that part
require nothing really
a slit on this heart
meant to be exactly where it is
to remind me, how beautiful it could be 
Yesterday, after a while, I dated my dear best friend, Ocik, again. Had such a good time on our lunch date and sunglasses hunt 
And as always, aside from all the gossips and chit chat, every date with her is always inspiring. Her whole family is always an inspiration for me since I knew them years ago. And so, we had this intriguing topic about staple food.
Ocik told me that she’s now cutting back rice consumption based on her health perspective. How rice can be a true killer, she said. And I can’t agree more with her. Other than from health and its nutritional aspect of rice, I added some (general) perspective from the economical aspect of rice.
Nowadays, we can buy rice for Rp 10.000,- per kilo in average. And that is not cheap. While wages in most work fields are not likely increasing due to regional and global economy. Our country is currently still producing rice, yes. But due to the higher demand than supply, it forces the government to import rice also. Basically if we do the (simple) math, the supply would not likely meet the demand.
What to do then? Cutting back the demand, right?
Yes! Cutting back rice consumption. But it can’t be so simple as, IMO, the ‘One Day No Rice’ movement that is now being urged in certain area in Banten province. Since they are not providing and/or socializing any alternative for the rice substitute, or at least not that I’ve heard/read.
I’d prefer to go back the definition of staple food first. Educate ourselves, what is it a staple food? Is it has to be rice?
Staple, by definition here, is a principal raw material or commodity grown or produced in a region. And so, we need to know, what is it that grow mostly in our region. The answer is rice. No surprise about that, but if we, as in a country, need to import rice, it indicates that we are not growing enough rice for everyone. And it is (also, not only our government) our responsibility to educate ourselves about the second most grown in our region and start to incorporate that produce in our lives as secondary staple food. For example, cassava, sago, or corn (depends on the region where we at).
Also, aside from its availability, we need to learn more about nutritional aspect of those staple food. What can we get from each product? And how much we should have per our body need in principal?
Adult, in average, needs around 2000 calories. Did you know that in 100g of rice there’s a 365 calories*? Assuming 3 times meals in a day, all including rice menu, and per meal we demand 300g of rice, that’s already 1095 calories times 3. And we are not yet counting the protein and the green. We need to forget about dessert at this point. This, we all need to learn well in order to be healthy, not only for body perspective but also for society.
While other staple foods, e.g cassava or corn has less calories in them, which might suite more for our health condition, on secondary/subsidiary consumption.
Once we know what’s staple food all about and of course what we need, I am sure cutting back rice is not that hard to do since by educating ourselves, the problem on alternative staple foods is resolved. ‘One Day No Rice’ movement might not be needed if we can all moderate our rice consumption in daily basis. All day in a week we can still have rice, in moderate consumption
* counted from nutrition table here
Depression, as said by recent studies, to be number one cause of death in years to come.
Is it? Is it not already? -Well, that’s probably one question of so many for some people who actually care to think of it. For some others, depression might be the last thing they think about (although they may be already depressed, just not (won’t) realize it yet).
As for myself, I’d like to think that I do believe in that statement. Depression can or if not already be the number one cause of death. Why? Simply because the iceberg theory about conscious and subconscious. Conscious state is only the tip of the iceberg, while the subconscious is the bottom of the iceberg which is a total mystery and God knows what the hell is in our subconscious. And everything that we don’t want to have in conscious state is going to the subconscious. Anger, shame, rage, the need of avenge, shy, disappointments, you name it. Pressing everything down there. That’s my illiterate depression definition.
Due to the great mystery of subconscious, it is also a great mystery how to handle our own subconscious and the chain of reactions that follow.
I have been watching myself intensively for the past a year and half. A great loss in one perspective almost got me losing myself. All kind of negative emotions arose and I have to press it down, and voila I was in depression mode.
Back then, I have no intention to stay alive, death wish every single time I close my eyes, appetite is leaving the body and mind, no social life, tears are the only companion. The loss punched a hole that’s greater than myself.
Suicide was planned. But then again, here I am. Alive and able to write the experience.
How? What? Why?Where? When?
The how is exactly what I am doing right now, write. Since I can’t afford a shrink, I write. All of emotions that arose back then, the tiniest wave to the huge tsunami of emotion, I wrote it down. Keeping me for pressing anything under.
The what perhaps my own body. I listen to my own body more in that phase than I ever been in my life. It was in painful state, reflecting my mind and soul state, and at that moment, I just went along with it. The not eating part, the sleepless nights. Now I consider that is my coping mechanism, my auto-formulated detoxification.
The why is 2 most important persons in my life, who constantly checking out on me. My future life companion and my best friend. They are the only ones who is not giving up on me, believe in me no matter how bad I have messed up in this life, and not afraid to show me how I messed up I was.
The where took place here and there. Again, I went along with my gut. I stayed at home most of the time at first, denial and hiding phase as I called it. Then running away, as far as I can get. Over the islands, over the seas. Keeping me centered is my work. I always come back for it.
The when I can only say its an ongoing process. Up until now. Still writing, and the subject is not yet moving on 
but I am happy for myself and hopefully others can take benefit of it.
So, if ever you find your loved ones or yourself losing that spark in their (your) eyes, don’t give up!
We all have been, if not might be in your shoes anytime soon. Be there for your loved ones, and most importantly for yourself. Ask yourself, how are you doing, once in a while won’t hurt your sanity
With little one, at 0 KM.
To pick up, the less little one, and here they are.
With the one who has never lose the spirit and light (also love) <3
Was a tiring journey, sleepy weekend, but lots of fun!
—-
Itinerary Bandung, 28-29 January 2012
Stayed at POP Hotel Bandung on Jalan Peta
which is the budget hotel version of Harris. Not bad at all! Not so spacious but cozy. Located aside a new mall called Festival Citylink, I’d say the rate under $30 is reasonable. Breakfast is provided as quick bite, banana leave wrapped nasi uduk with spicy chicken and bean cake and hot tea/coffee.
Dinner at Bakso Malang Enggal on Jalan Burangrang
cheap and delicious meatballs and fried/pouched dumpling in clear soup. Self-serviced, pay as you take system I liked the most!
2nd breakfast at Eleven Seven Porridge at Jala Kebon Jati
which offers chicken, prawn, beef, pork and fish porridge. Unfortunately the chicken and fish, which is the highlight menu here, was out when we came 
Selection of dim sum is the next option as we had prawn hakau, siomay, angsio and half portion of roast pork. It was okay, not as expected though.
Lunch at Radja Ketjil on Cihampelas Walk
we had our appetite fulled here! Yum yum and yum! The highlight menu should be the fried casava
And the we get some snacks at Kartika Sari on Jalan Juanda a.k.a Dago
Food is fuel to our body. That is indisputable.
(I was once trying to dispute the statement, in order to hurt my self. Silly )
And so, in order to be a productive body, we need certain amount of fuel. Surplus on the fuel will be stored in the body as fat, less fuel will have the body to burn the previous storage of fat. It is simple math.
Now, are you in the need of fuel surplus or less?
Body constitution and metabolism, living and working environment should be taken consideration to build the state of mind.
Normally, adult men and women need 2500 and 2000 calories per day. Now, if you are in the need of less fuel, so that fat in your body is forced to be burned, you can’t go over that daily average calories. Strongly recommended to cut the calories and/or exercise more. Again this is simple math that you need to repeat over and over in your mind, in order to become a lifestyle, not only one time diet and have a bounce back weight few months later.
I remember I watched Rachel Ray, in which the guest star is a diet consultant. She said, please do eat 4 times a day. Yes, you read it right, Four Times a Day! 
Four meals consisting 400 calories. So, in one day, your fuel is 1600 calories. Its a mind game actually. Your mind will be fed 4 times but your body will not be burdened.
I say, do it if its comfy for you. But bottom line is your mind is in the state of aware that the fuel you put in your body matches its need. If it matches, I bet your daily activity will be energetic and light. Weight loss will be the byproduct of your healthy life.
And so, less is more part 1 is weight loss.
Yeayy!! Who doesn’t love weight loss?
Well, as I am losing 18k within 6 months (from August 2010 to February 2011) and stable for almost a year now, I feel like the need to share all about it.
The trigger to my initial weight loss is not the best reason in the world, perhaps it was the worst but highly possible to be happened to almost everyone. Depression.
Yes, but need not to worry since I have worked my way out of it, survived and never better!
And so these are my flash back on my weight loss process.
Phase 1.
During my depression, I tend to neglect my body and get entangled in my chaotic mind, emotions, and pain. This is important phase for me, since then I started to be curious why do we need food.
Well, I strongly suggest not to have the depression of course, but let us have the curiosity about food and its effect to our body. Learn more and sort the need of our body that has to be fulfilled by food from the crave that tends weighing our body, resulting our body not to work as it supposed to.
One good way to do this is to observe more closely, how our body reacts to various foods. Well, its not easy I know. When we are hungry, craving for certain food, all we have in mind is to satisfy that sense. But this is, in my opinion, the basic change I have had out of my depression. Change of mindset on how food (should) affect our lives.
Phase 2.
Less is more, in literal. I mean, cut back the portion, add the period.
Since the hormonal change during my depression, I have lost my appetite for a while. But as I am my mom’s daughter, who is always have the 3 meals habit since I was a lil kid, I try to have a meal on time, in small portion (say a spoon of rice or two, more than that I will surely throw up).
Now, I realized this is the main reason I managed to lose weight. Again, not the hormonal change, not the depression to be taken note, but mind your portion.
Phase 3.
Pace does matter.
Again, due to my hormonal change, I need certain pace on food. Fast is not a choice. When I’m ordering something and it arrives in my table, I’ll be like inhale deeply before starting the feast. Slowing down your eating pace is not good for you, but great!
Trust me! In phase 1, when we observe more closely on our body, we will catch its pace too.
And so, that is how I make the best of my depression. I can proudly say it now.
Planning to keep the mindset and get healthier. Not for the looks, but the mind state.
Loving the lightness in my mind that projects on my body
Itulah sebuah tema. Tema untuk tahun yang nominalnya telah berganti ini.
Less diterjemahkan sebagai simple, ribet dilarang mendekat apalagi konflik. Demi mendapatkan hasil yang more, lebih. Lebih mengena di hati, lebih berkesan di memori, lebih untuk dinikmati bersama.
