Mother’s Love, Tough Love

Mother is one of feminine role labels. When we think of our mother, soft, warm and calm feelings arouse. But have you ever wonder how a mother has to deal with us, her children, since we’re newborn until we’re grown ups?

I have no idea until I became one.
Actually I have an idea, its the soft, warm and calm feelings I described earlier.
But little did I know..

Gian was born in such quiet place. There was just the two of us, his parents. Right from the first night he went through, it was just us three. So, there’s only husband or I, handling Gian. Of course mostly I am handling Gian.

Handling a baby needs courage. Real courage. Since baby is so fragile, and they can only cry.

Gian first days, I told myself not to use my head and just man up! Gian cries like every other baby, and sometimes I have to shut my pity feelings for him in order to get him cared. Bathing, changing diapers and cloths, picking bugger from his nose and ears, cleaning his tongue, patting his back to get a burp, giving him a massage to release gas.

Its tough.
Not only for the baby, but also for the mother.
And it won’t get any easier as the baby grows.

And I must say, man is nowhere near a woman when it comes to strength and courage.
When you think you are better than any woman, lets see you become a mother 🙂

To All Moms in The World (and beyond)

A dear friends just lost his/her mom and our interactions made me feel his/her lost. Any lost is suck. Period. But in particular, losing your mom for some people might overwhelming, if not unbearable.

Mother, the one person who risked her life to deliver us in this world. Through 9 months, more or less, uneasy pregnancy.

It took so much love (or hatred) to bear with pregnancy. And after labor, the love (or hatred) can only get bigger, endless.

That is why losing her would be some feeling. In either love or hatred.

Frankly speaking, I am not ready to hear such news from dearest friend earlier. Funnily enough, it is me who often declare myself as death obsess-er. And yes, I put a lot of mind in death, and still wanting mine to happen in anytime soon.

But I was not ready, and I cried. I guess his/her sadness got me deeper than I could anticipated.

We can learn and brag about knowing the soul as our true identity. We might preach about it often. But when that body, whom we usually called mother is no longer breathing, knowledge hardly a consolation.

Some feeling, eh?


Update on Mother’s Day today.
Cherish every moment we share with our mother while she’s still with us.
She needs nothing but us being happy :’)
Love you, Moms..


Love is Love

Love is Love
No Matter What

Out of the perfect scam, still I Love
Out of the false words, still I Love
Out of the near-cruel treatments, still I Love

Because Love is Love
No Matter What

And I am Made of Love
Love is My Main Ingredient

Trash me as You like, still I Love
Scam me as You wish, still I Love
Tear me Over and Over again, still I Love

Because I am Made of Love
Love is My Main Ingredient

To Whom You Love ?

‘I Love You’. 3 particular words that can make all the difference in the world. Said by almost all human in this very planet in their native language or in this very language.

3 magic words. There is ‘I’, there is ‘Love’ and there is ‘You’.

The ‘I’ is of course us. Each of us. The ‘Love’ is the feeling we feel. And the ‘You’ is one we have feeling towards. So, we say ‘I Love You’ towards the ones we love. To let them know how we feel about them, and how much they mean to us.

If we notice on the structure of this 3 magic words, we would find the subject, the ‘I’, and the object, the ‘You’. And most of the time we act also per this structure. We bind ourselves as the subject or as the do-er. And the ones we love as the object or our doings, in this case our ‘Love’.

Often, or should I say always, we put some expectations in this words. For example, we often expect to be loved back, or simply to be acknowledged, to get the attention. Furthermore, sometimes we expect more, such as commitment and all.

The question is, is it really work that way ?

These past few months, I’m meddling with these 3 words. And when I put some expectations in it, I feel restless. And after I watch over this restlessness, I figure that the problem is in the expectations. I was so worry for them to be fulfilled or not, and it blurs the feeling of ‘Love’ itself.

Then I try, I learn to let it go. What to let go ? The ‘Love’ ? No. I try to let go the ‘whom’ I love. The ‘You’ is still there. Still it’s the 3 magic words, ‘I Love You’. And the person that I love is still there. But I am letting go the ‘object’ bind in the ‘You’ part. And as soon as I let it go, the expectations gone. Followed by the restlessness. Then the magic begins.

I feel like I am limitless. I feel the vastness of love, never ending love. You can’t feel anything but love. Just love. Only love.

The person we have love towards is still there, he/she will feel the love. But strangely, inside, it’s more about yourself. Restlessness change into fulfillment.

Turns out, ‘I Love You’ is act to love yourself. It’s an expression of our capability to love. And to feel its limitless within. No matter to whom we have love towards. Each one we love is actually ourself.

So, to whom you love ? Every single one of you and yourself.

~In the deep longing of Bhumi Mandala Kelana